Detoxing From Extremism: How I Reclaimed My Peace

The FBI recently exposed the Southern Poverty Law Center for funding controlled opposition. Let that sink in. An organization that claims to fight extremism has been caught literally creating and supporting the very thing it claims to oppose, because without that threat, it has no purpose and no fundraising pitch. And if the SPLC is doing this, you have to ask yourself: who is in the pockets of the ADL?

It’s been about two months since I left the JQ movement, and I’ve just been telling people how it is, as a referee, as neutral as I can be. I will say this: people do not like neutrality in the middle of a war, and that’s to be expected. But on my side, in my personal life, things have improved dramatically. I no longer have this anxiety looming over my head or this massive weight on my shoulders. I’m the kind of person who learns quickly and moves quickly. That part of me was real and passionate, but it was unhinged and it had to go.

Although I was very transparent about things, my entire family took a big hit. The first year of the swattings, I was so mad at my family, I didn’t talk to either side for a year. My wife never left me, but our marriage was certainly tested because I was mad at her and everyone else for wanting me to stop. Why didn’t they fight like me? Didn’t they want justice? I recently spoke to the detective on my swatting case, and he told me the investigation had ended. They didn’t have enough to charge certain accounts for cyber harassment, and it was up to me to file charges with the court myself. I decided it was better to let it go, to close this chapter of my life rather than chase it for another two years. That decision gave me more peace than I expected.

At the end of the day, the very people I was fighting for made me realize that all my sacrifices over the last 14 years did not pay off. Anyone saying the Jews got to me is simply wrong. I continued to fight two years after the swattings, despite all the familial hardships. Why didn’t the Jews stop me then? Ultimately what caused me to leave was my own allies, people who lacked integrity, people who were doing bad things, along with the complacency on the side I was fighting on, which made me realize that risking my life and my family simply wasn’t worth it.

I want people to notice something: I didn’t go on an apology tour. I didn’t run around saying sorry to every Jewish person or anyone else I’ve offended, and I’ve offended every group imaginable over the last 14 years. I’ve pissed off Muslims, Black people, trans people, gay people, even White people. No group was left untouched by my rants. But now I feel at peace, and I deserve this peace. Some people think I don’t deserve it, that I should be a non-stop fighter, because they’re too scared to risk anything themselves. They want other people to do it. That’s why it’s so easy to call others shills, traitors, and cucks, while latching on to their internet fantasy. I’ve gotten so much hate for leaving, losing thousands of followers on X, and my Substack is shrinking, but I don’t care.

I want to be clear about something: I’m not saying everything I said was wrong. Many truths were spoken during those 14 years. These conversations need to happen. These things need to be addressed. What I’m saying is that there is a way to have them that doesn’t create more problems than it solves. The anger, the unhinged delivery, and the propaganda framing—that’s what poisoned the message.

But there’s something genuinely off about this whole movement. Many of the people in it aren’t facing anywhere near the censorship I dealt with. These people trend on Twitter, have YouTube channels, have blue checkmarks, collaborate with no resistance, and keep growing. As for me, I got nothing. I was always silenced. Never promoted, not even indirectly. Even my so-called allies were afraid to help, except for a few. And even stranger: not even a hit piece from the mainstream media. Why? Because I’m a married man and a former military veteran. That’s a real threat. Not some e-celebrity wrapped up in whatever scandal the so-called Christian right wing is always caught with.

If the enemy really wants you gone, they will make sure you’re gone. And too many people who claim to be a threat haven’t gone anywhere.

Something is wrong.

I’ve exposed many grifters, and yet those same grifters are still growing after being caught scamming and lying, because people would rather be lied to and live in a fantasy than demand accountability. Most people in this space can’t correct themselves because it means losing their audience, and losing their audience means losing their income. That’s the trap. I am the complete opposite. I have never been a grifter, a charlatan, or a scammer, and I never will be.

Which is why what I’ve actually done matters. I removed antisemitic books from my bookstore entirely and am rebuilding my catalogue from scratch. I deleted my Rumble account—18,000 followers gone. My Telegram of 4,000 is gone. UpScrolled 25,000 is gone. My clothing shop is gone. Anything that could be considered involved with or profiting off the movement, even if framed as educational, is gone. There can be no accusations of grifting now, because there’s nothing left to grift with.

I realized all of this live, on Rumble, mid-stream. My audience saw it. I said it out loud, that I was spinning my wheels, and then I shut off the stream right after. Who does that? I’ve never seen anyone make a real-time correction like that, publicly, on camera, not caring what anyone thinks.

I was the once-infamous, ranting antisemite, neck veins bulging, face red, and that’s because I was unable to switch off my emotions when it came to certain topics. That’s what shot me in the foot. Had I been this cool, calm, collected stoic philosopher from day one, maybe I would have done much more good. Maybe I would have prevented the rise of the low-IQ antisemitism that I certainly gave fuel to. But I wouldn’t have become as prominent as I did, prominent enough that the state of Israel felt it necessary to intervene. I have never seen such an intervention before. They hired a cybersecurity firm to take me down.

My friend Evren, known publicly as Cultured Thug, was in the movement for 20 years. He walked away months before I did and was already telling me how his life had improved. The movement cost him dearly, breaking apart his family. He arrived at the same conclusion I did, on his own. That confirmation mattered to me. It meant I wasn’t crazy and the toxification was real and that healing was possible on the other side of it.

My life has improved across the board. My PTSD is at the lowest it’s been in decades. My relationship with my wife and children has improved. My family, with whom I had serious conflict for nearly a year, has made peace. It feels exactly like when I left the Marine Corps, leaving the war behind.

I’ve noticed I’m swearing less. I’m more jovial, more open. Cracking more jokes with my wife. Playing more with my kids. I deserve this peace.

Now I have a different agenda. I’m working on getting my papers published in philosophy. Three are in peer review right now, and one of them will change epistemology forever. I’ve also published two new books. And I’ve reopened a YouTube channel, not a grift, not to promote fantasies, but to speak to people about how to become better individuals, how to become stable, and how to solve the problems in their actual lives.

Every one of you reading this deals with issues, whether relational, emotional, or whatever they may be. We’re all human.

Most people aren’t fighting the world; they’re fighting their own egos and emotions. Those are things I can actually help with. I’m focused on giving value to those who seek it, not profiting off any so-called movement or the anger that fuels it. We never talk about how people are corrupt and enable the system to corrupt others. The first step in changing the system is changing the people within it, so they immunize themselves from its poison. That’s the work I want to do now.

Politics is Machiavellian by nature, and that is the opposite of philosophy and the opposite of my nature. I had to leave because I was in it out of a sense of duty rather than any genuine love for it. I did all of this without cucking, without taking a single penny from any group. No buyout, no deal, no pressure. Just me coming to my senses, on my own terms.

This isn’t me telling people to quit whatever they believe is right. This is for the people who already sense, somewhere deep down, that what they’re doing isn’t what they think they’re doing.

If you want to get political, then actually get into politics. Run for something. Build something. Otherwise, you’re not fighting the system. You’re just entertaining yourself while calling it a war.

If you’re interested in what comes next, head over to my YouTube channel and subscribe. I’ll be starting live streams once I hit 1,000 subscribers, speaking directly to the chat about philosophy, self-improvement, and the things that actually matter in your life.

I’ll also be sharing my new music, salvaging what songs I can and writing new ones that everyone can enjoy.

Ever since leaving the toxicity, I have more positive energy to share with people, and I want to see what I can do with it.

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